i have acquired my japanese driver’s license. some highlights:
- passed the insanely difficult driving test on the first try, apparently making me only the second foreigner in the history of my island to accomplish said task. begging, bribing and sexual favors were the keys to my success
- i’m NOT permitted to drive stick (ha!) the license only allows for automatic. i’ve never even seen a stick shift in this country
- the japanese have decided i was born in ‘53. i think they’re just jealous of the beard
- i am no longer an organ donor. my organs won’t fit the japanese [insert penis joke here]
- street cred: i’m no longer required to carry my foreign registration card (gaijin card). nor can police inquire about my nationality…so i guess that’s a bonus
- since my domestic license had been renewed less than a year before arriving in japan, i am designated as a “newbie” for a year from issue date of my new japanese license, which makes perfect sense since i’ve been legally driving in japan for almost a year at this point with no violations or accidents
noob status requires drivers to display a conspicuous sticker on their car identifying them as such. i lied and said i didn’t have a car. it’s bad enough that i’m a 59 year old with a junior license. i can’t bare the shame of having that sticker on my already embarrassingly small car. it makes me feel like i’m 16 again…having to endure the endless abuse from friends for failing my driving test TWICE before i could get the paralel parking right. not to mention having my mom drive me on dates. there’s an awkward goodnight kiss! so for another year i’m not to indulge in any alcohol, drugs, sex after twelve or any other illegal activity…which probably won’t be to difficult since it’s hard for 59 year old junior licensees to get dates anyway. i bet it probably forbids me from texting while driving too. fascists!